My Baby Only Sleeps on Me… What to Do When the Cot Feels Like the Enemy
If you are reading this with a sleeping baby on your chest, too scared to move in case they wake up, this one is for you.
First of all, you are doing an amazing job. Contact napping is beautiful, it is natural, and your baby absolutely loves it because you are their favourite place in the whole world. But if it has got to the point where you cannot put them down, you have not eaten a proper meal in weeks, and the idea of sleeping in your own bed feels like a distant dream… it is okay to want things to change.
You are not failing your baby by wanting more. You are human.
Why does my baby only sleep on me?
Babies are not designed to sleep alone. For nine months they were held constantly, rocked with every step you took, soothed by your heartbeat and your warmth. So when they arrive earthside and suddenly find themselves in a flat, still, silent cot and it is no wonder they protest. Your baby is not being manipulative. They are not trying to make your life difficult. They simply feel safest with you, and they have not yet learned that they can feel safe anywhere else.
“But I need to put them down!”
Of course you do. And you absolutely can get there gently, gradually and without leaving your baby to cry it out alone.
Here are some things that can help:
Warm the cot first
A cold cot sheet is one of the most common reasons babies startle awake the moment they are put down. Try placing a warm water bottle in the cot before transfer and removing it just before you lay your baby down. The warmth mimics your body temperature and can make a huge difference.
Transfer during a deeper sleep cycle
Babies move into a deeper sleep roughly 20 minutes after they first fall asleep. If you are transferring too soon you will almost always trigger a wake up. Wait a little longer before attempting the transfer and you will have much more success.
Use your scent
Pop a muslin or a worn top of yours in the cot near your baby. Your scent is deeply comforting and can help them feel less alone even when you are not there.
Work on the association gradually
If your baby has only ever slept on you, the cot is going to feel very unfamiliar. Spend some awake time in the cot during the day so it becomes a familiar, safe space rather than somewhere that only appears at sleep time.
Start with one sleep
Do not try to change every nap and every night all at once. Pick one sleep a day to work on and build from there. Slow and steady really does win this race.
When nothing seems to be working
Sometimes contact napping has become so deeply established that gentle tips and tricks just do not cut through. If you have tried everything and your baby still absolutely refuses to be put down, it is probably time to look at the whole picture with someone who knows what they are doing.
This is exactly what I am here for.
How I can help
I am Lottie, a Norland nanny with over 17 years of hands on experience with babies and young children, and I am OCN qualified through the Sleep Consultant Academy. I have helped so many families navigate exactly this situation, and I promise you it does not have to stay this way forever.
My Night Night by Zoom package gives you a fully bespoke sleep plan built around your baby and your family, daily WhatsApp support so you are never alone at 3am, and follow up calls over two to three weeks to keep you on track every step of the way.
If you are ready to gently help your baby feel safe and settled somewhere other than your arms, I would love to chat.
Book your free discovery call here.
You have got this. And I have got you.
